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I am a machine...

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10:24 am
2/15/07

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So heres the thing...

You want the friends that matter to read your thoughts, you post it on Myspace. You want everyone to read it, you post it on facebook. You want hardly anyone to know it exists, you post it on LJ....

I want hardly anyone to know this exists. Because I tried doing Myspace...then I moved to facebook thinking I should be honest.
But nothing works.

I am having a really hard time with everything. My life, in general.
School.
Friends. (best friends)
No work.
Mom.
Jared.
everything.

All this just makes me want to go away. To move out of here, and leave. If you want to miss me, I might as well be gone...So you really can. I am just way tired of trying to talk to Hannah and it seems like we dont get anywhere.
We ignore it now. We have our, Tuesday, Best Friend day. But we ignore the problem at hand. Because we would both just rather have fun. So thats what we do instead.
I hate that I'm getting so annoyed with everything lately. Its not everything's fault. Its because my life is a pile of CRAP that I just turn my head from while it grows and grows and is now towering over me. Looming, ready to tumble down on top of me So I can drown in the mess I've made. Silently.

"It will all work out" Is the line that everyone has rehearsed over and over again so they can all recite it to me...verbatum...

How will it work out?
Those lines weren't written yet.

So I improv.

And its a disaster.


11:59 am 2/7/07 Leave a comment	surfsamsurf Hmm... Its like me and LJ got a divorce.

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12:21 pm
9/28/06

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~~The Last Kiss~~ <---So Cute.
~~The Black Dahlia~~ <---Amazing!
~~Jackass number 2~~
The pursuit of Happyness
A Scanner Darkly
~~Beerfest~~ <---Hilarious!
Borat!
Marie Antoinette
Da Vinci Code
~~Little Miss Sunshine~~ <---Probably my favorite movie...ever.
All the Kings Men
Babel
The Devil Wears Prada
The Illusionist
~~Superman Returns~~ <---just what you expect...of course!
Hollywoodland
Crank
Pulse
Pirates of the Caribbean 2
Flags of our Fathers (of course)
The Man of the Year
THE SCIENCE OF SLEEP!
The Grudge 2
Running with Scissors


10:44 pm 8/24/06 Leave a comment	surfsamsurf Maybe I'm brain....dead? Wicked was more amazing than I can begin to describe....So I wont. just know that My life is now complete. And Glinda is on crack... :D

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03:10 pm
7/14/06

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If you were a droid....you would be turned off....

Dane cook is hilarious.
I'm going to move the rest of my stuff tonight.
I'm kind of scared. My roomate is intimidating. I didn't meet the other one. But the apartment is nice... :) I am just scared.
Like so scared I just don't want to move anymore. lol. I just would rather stay home...where I'm comfortable.
OMG I LOVE DANE COOK.
I dont want to feel like I'm staying in some one else's home...but I know i'm going to feel that way...I want it to feel like MY home.
Anyways. Well I was in P-Town last night. It was fun. I think I got in trouble with my mom...Cuz I stayed out really late.
EVEN KAREN THE DOUCHEBAG FALLS IN LOVE!
lol...so umm...random dane cook outbreaks...great.
O and also, Makie is my hero. :)
ok bye. <3

Current Mood:

blah

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01:14 pm
7/13/06

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And none of it seems to matter anymore......

Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better....

Because I knew you...

Last night takes the cake for being one of the most emotional nights of my life. I can't even tell you all the emotions I felt.
Hannah came back. To say [goodbye] and I cried all night. I didn't think it would come so quickly. I didn't realize it. It happened. It's still happening..
I cried.
and the only thing I can do now is cry.
We watched the angels from a distance...He's right.

My last night.

like this.

I have orientation today. I don't know how soon I get my computer so I don't know how soon I'll be back on here....

whatever way our stories end...know you have rewritten mine by being my friend(s)

I love you all so much. I can't imagine life without the angels who I spend every day and all night with. The people who made me the person I am today. I can't imagine having to function without you because I've never had to....

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Current Mood:	sad
Current Music:	For Good-- Wicked

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11:56 am
7/8/06

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You're tearing up your photos cuz you wanna forget-- it's over

We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get...

I just got to thinking how INCREDIBLY over childhood is. We've been spending a lot of time the past few weeks hanging out at parks. And its just wonderful. Everything about it. Even tho we hardly do anything but sit on swings or play lava monster or hide and seek. it's like we know that we don't get that anymore. So we steal the time we can.
Kids don't worry about stuff. Kids don't get to pay bills and wonder if they're going to be able to afford to feed themselves in the next month.
Brand New said it better than anyone. "I'm gonna stay 18 forever, so we can stay like this forever."
I just didn't realize that this is my last week living at home. With my mom. With my brothers. Being able to stay out till all hours of the night because I have nothing to worry about.
I didn't realize when Jessie left that she drove to my house and parked out in front for the last time. When she gets back I'll be in school for a month already and living someplace else.
"The low fuel light's been on for days...it doesnt mean anything..."
I didn't realize that when Rich get's back from San Diego that three days later I'm moving out.
I didn't realize that everything is going to change.
We've been saying how this summer sucks because it wasn't like last summer...or the summer before...
In all reality, I LOVE THIS SUMMER. I will cherish every late night we spent with nothing to do...but none of us wanted to go home...we just hung out...with each other. "We stayed awake through summer like we owned the heat." Every time we went to the park. And sat. Or played lava monster with 8 year olds. Or wore ourselves out with Hide and Seek. Every time we sat at QT for hours trying to decide what to do and seeing EVERYONE we know. Every night we waited in the Drive-thru line at Jack In The Box at 2 am. Dennys, ihop, Arbys...even the mall... This summer is more than I could have hoped for my last summer getting to do all this. With friends.
I just feel like I can't hang on. I feel like its slipping through my fingers like sand through and hour glass, one more grain closer to moving. I feel like I can't come to terms with how much I'm going to miss everyone.
I want to stay 18 forever so I can stay like this forever. So I never miss a party because we'll keep them going constantly.
It's perfect.
It's over...

<3andy

Current Mood:	just jealous cuz we're young..
Current Music:	socco amaretto lime

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12:36 pm
6/16/06

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I will lie awake...

Last night I stayed out until like 4:30 in the morning. Thats the latest I've stayed out this summer. It was fun. Then I slept till noon. oops...
I seriously feel like there is something really important I have to do today. maybe thats just me being dumb...I'm good at that.
Well I do know i have to work on my video today. But that was just planned yesterday. I've felt like I have something important today ALL WEEK.
So we were all at QT last night and Like EVERYONE showed up. I seriously saw so many people last night. And then, Ryan Mcnary shows up. It was cool to see him and like say whats up and stuff. He wanted to hang out with all of us sometime. And I was still like, ok thats cool. I haven't seen this kid in like two and half years if not more. SO then he proceeds to ask for my number so we can all hang out sometime. And now, I really didn't want to give him my number but i was like, well, what the hell. He probably won't ever call. Well I was pretty much right...but he texts me...and WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!! O_O He kept asking what I thought about his friend (WHO GRADUATED the year I started HIGH SCHOOL) And how his friend "thought I was cute" wtf. So Tony kept texting him for me trying to make him leave me alone. It didn't really work... :-/ big mistake.
SO THEN, me and hannah went over to Cory's because we saw Kristen at QT and she told us there was a party at Cory's. So me and Hannah showed up there around 12:45-1:00 ish....we played Halo for awhile. Laughed at drunk people, played pool, and just chilled. It was really fun. It was weird because there was a girl there from my choir class...never talked to me really before and was like "HEY! Can I have your number? WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!" what is it with people I never takl to wanting to hang out with me!?!?! Anyways, then I watched Nick play some Halo. Me and Hannah decided the three of us need to play Rocketball sometime (the three of us being me hannah nick) Then we left. It was a fun night. I got home around 430 and then passed out on my bed...
SO the world cup is tomorrow. Tony says everyones invited to watch it at his house...I guess you should call him and let him know if your coming. (The World cup being Soccer if you didn't know. It's Italy vs. USA it should be a brilliant game.) If you don't know his number call ME and let me know you're coming. It starts at two. Be there a little early. Maybe bring food. I don't think he plans on feeding everyone...or maybe money for pizza. Ok thats all. :)

Current Mood:	bouncy
Current Music:	if it makes you less sad....

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12:06 am
5/20/06

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Tabbys party was really fun. You missed out if you didn't/couldn't go.
Tomorrow I'm having a party? I guess...Just come over. We'll figure something out.

Peace out hoes.
Andy

Current Mood:	annoyed
Current Music:	Grillz

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03:52 pm
5/8/06

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I just had the best conversation I've had with my dad in a long time. Things aren't going too good for him. I know, doesn't sound good. But the trials he's going through right now are opening his eyes so much. And he's helping me out so much with college now. He even decided to pay for my cell phone which I was planning on paying for myself. I wasn't even going to ask him. He was just like "don't worry about your cell phone I'm paying for it." O_O I know! And he's giving me money this week to pay for some college stuff so I don't have to worry about it! We talked for an hour and it was just a really good conversation. I don't think I would ever celebrate in someones hard times, but my dad said so himself that things are going to change. I just hope that things really do...He may be stopping my child support but he said that he would give me money still each month to help me with college. That sure is a lot of worry off my shoulders.

And the sun breaks through the clouds. :)

Current Mood:	okay
Current Music:	Dashboard

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06:51 am
4/20/06

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I feel an overwhelming interminable saddness...

Current Mood:

crappy


01:38 pm 4/11/06 Leave a comment	surfsamsurf (no subject) WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!


12:49 pm 3/10/06 3 comments Leave a comment	surfsamsurf (no subject) I can't concentrate...

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09:42 pm
3/9/06

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Someone please

"Call 911, I'm already dead but someone should be caught and held RESPONSIBLE for this bloody mess."

The play went EXCELLENT tonight. Execpt we rushed it alittle...but who cares. Opening night is DONE! Woo! (and I didn't fall out of my costume...)
My dad came and that made me happy.
Other emotions ran through my brain tonight as well.
I don't know whats wrong with me,
But I just feel like an AWFUL person...
I wish I didn't have this overwhelming feeling.
Those flowers were beautifl...

'And they told him that I suffer from dreaming'
'oh...we got us some CURES for dreamers here...'
I need some cure.

Damn you, Heart for feeling too much.

Brace yourselves for second showing folks...have we got a show for you!
{and scene}

Current Mood:	distressed
Current Music:	stupid songs.

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09:37 pm
3/7/06

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nothing comes as easy as you can I lay in your bed all day

today was pretty much like hell
similar...
just not as hot...
good thing though because my make-up was running enough as it was.
I can't write essays.
I suck at writing essays.
Actors freak out when their costumes aren't finished...thats just the way it is. The way it's always been and the way it will always be. And it's been tested time after time but no one will except it as a known fact...
Dress rehersal is officially done and over.
Its kinda sad (in a way) that this play- my last play in high school- is just about over.
me and hannah have funny conversations on AIM....

( BIG AS PIE! )

Current Mood:	aggravated
Current Music:	buddy holly-- Weezer

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10:20 pm
3/4/06

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If I was outside of your window with my radio, I would play this song on repeat....

until you heard every single word.
I couldn't have said it better!
I don't know how to say it better,
so in a song is better than not at all....right?

The saddest thing is you could be anything you could want.
We could've been everything, but now we're not.
Now it's not anything at all.
The hardest part was getting this close to you
and giving up this dream I built with you.
A fairy tale that isn't coming true.
You've got some growing up to do.

I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for ~~you and I.~~
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last (goodbye).

"After all the things you put me through,
tell me why ~~I'm still in love♥ with you~~.
Why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart♥, I'm taking it back from you.
I'm taking back the life I gave to you.
Life goes on before and after you.
I've got some growing up to do. "

I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.

Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.

~~I wish we could have worked it out~~.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.

Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.

goodbye.

do you know how hard that is?

Current Mood:	rejected
Current Music:	superchick-- wishes

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08:08 pm
1/1/06

4 comments
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( we are driving this float down Main in this Pride Parade )

Current Mood:	pissed off
Current Music:	Story-- The Rocket Summer

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03:41 pm
12/29/05

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California here we come...

I bought new pants today and saw my friend Niki working on her last day at the O.N. (Old navy) And we're going to hang out tonight. I'm so excited. ^_^
Last night Bean and Jessie spent the night. That was so fun. We went to freaking Arby's! Lol. It was fun.
Today my dad came over. Gave us our Christmas money. We went to the mall and I bought the Sims 2 I'm excited to glue myself to the EX-BOCKS and play it! ^_^
I took Nyquill last night and I'm still feeling the affects of it...I want sleep. -_- zzz
I love Veda.
"Who is this loose-end dreamer?"
I am in a good mood. I'm so glad.
I'm buying tickets to The Academy is... And Panic! At the Disco. The Academy is...is my absolute favorite and I want to see them live. :) So I AM GOING!
I forgot what I was going to update.
Peaces

Current Mood:	optimistic
Current Music:	Trade this Fear-- Veda

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04:55 pm
12/28/05

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Is it still me that makes you sweat?

I saw King Kong. I have a talent crush on Adrian Brody. He's such a good actor.
I forgot what I was going to write....
SUPERBLEEDER....
Oh yeah...King Kong was good only nothing good ever happens in it. Lets just say I left the theater feeling very pessimistic about life...It was Beauty killed the Beast...
SO testosterone boys and Harlequin girls....dance to this beat.
I work tomorrow from like 6 in the morning to like 4:30. Thats going to be fun
I wish I had a monologue...
Damn.
You are, you are a wispering campaign
talk to the mirror and choke back tears...
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
peaces

so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch!

Current Mood:	cranky
Current Music:	Theres a good reason...--P!ATD

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06:04 pm
11/6/05

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all she wanted in the world was to get a better life...

Current Mood:	doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Current Music:	Asleep in the sea

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